


Snowy Blues

by naturallesbain



Series: Dealing With My Problems [4]
Category: The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: Cancer, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:34:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27705596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naturallesbain/pseuds/naturallesbain
Summary: Dallas Winston finds himself 10 years after his mother's passing sitting on a windowsill at Bucks and watching the snowfall.Emotions ensue.
Series: Dealing With My Problems [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1967866
Kudos: 10





	Snowy Blues

I jolted awake, sweat pouring down my face as I searched around my room for a threat that wasn’t there. 

I’ve been having nightmares for a while now since it’s winter now, the ice and snow washing away the bright a cozy colors of fall and replacing it with cold and dull colors instead. 

I’ve always hated this time of year, too many bad memories of my mom dying to being homeless for the first time on the streets of New York. 

My stomach clenched and twisted as I thought of the different events, the main one that stuck out though was my birthday. 

‘Today is my birthday’ I realize slowly. 

Sitting up, I reach over to where I always keep a glass of water and gulp it down, clenching my dry throat. 

I glanced over at the clock, knowing that it was already well past noon.

I glance over at the window next, but I can’t see much due to fog. 

“Damnit,” I curse softly. 

I slowly get up and make my way towards my window, wrapping my arms around myself to keep warm. 

Once I get to the window, I wipe it down with my hand and my breath catches in my throat. 

Snow.

It’s snowing. 

I sit down on the windowsill, watching the cars and people go by in their heavy winter jackets, watch children play with their parents on sidewalks. 

I ache for that kind of love, the uncaring kind. 

I can’t stop the way my heart tears more and more as I watch a little blonde boy and his father play in the snow, wishing that I had that chance with my own father. 

I get up and get a pillow from my bed, knowing that I’ll be sitting there for a while. 

I grab my largest pillow, hugging it to my chest as I make my way back towards the window.

I sigh as I sit back down, looking back out the window, and realize that a mother -girlfriend?- has joined them. 

The tears start flowing before I can stop myself. 

The woman looks so much like my mom.

I realize how unfair it is. 

How unfair it is that my only memories of my mom are of her being too sick to move, waiting in the car with my dad as we wait for her chemotherapy sessions to get done. 

The last memory I have is of me waiting by her side, waiting and waiting for her chest to stop rising, the long beep as her heart stops pumping. 

I remember how cold she got, how her hands became stiff instead of the soft and gentle ones that would cup my face so gently whenever I cried or was hurt. 

I remember rushing her to the hospital just a few days prior, she had collapsed suddenly and my dad had been worried something was going on. 

I remember her being awake the day she died, remember her apologizing to me for ‘ruining my birthday’. I had told her it was fine and that if she got better, that would be the ‘best present ever’. 

I can’t stop the sobs now, clutching my pillow close to my chest as I let them soak into the gentle fabric of my pillow. 

I clutch at my chest, the feeling of choking as I pull in gasps of breath to combat the sobs. 

It hurts, it hurts like it’s never hurt before. 

I don’t hear his footsteps behind me, but all I know is that I’ve ditched the pillow and I’m clutching at his jean jacket, the smell of chocolate and smoke comforting me as he strokes my hair and shushes me. 

I clutch onto his jacket like a lifeline, afraid that if I let go, I’ll lose him, and goddamnit I can’t lose him. 

I hug him closer as more sobs burst out my chest. 

Not him. 

Please, not him. 


End file.
